Places Not to Miss Before the World Ends
Let’s face it, for the average middle class person life has become boring. Everything is just too easy nowadays since smartphones, computers and unqualified bloggers all do our thinking for us, which is definitely a contributing factor in the fully developed fascination that humanity has with doomsday. While it’s true that religious people and psychics have been predicting the end of days since Tuesday 6002 BC, it’s also true that the trend is on the upswing.
According to Wikipedia there were approximately 21 apocalypse predictions for the 1800’s but the 1900’s saw nearly 80. That’s almost four times as many publicly noted theories regarding Armageddon. This combined with the amount of zombie apocalypse and asteroid movies clearly indicates that people are essentially . . . bored. If our culture now looks forward to being obliterated then we should definitely have a good exit strategy. This shouldn’t be like the one followed by Harold Camping’s people, which just leaves you broke and feeling a little jipped that no one got smote, but one that’s a little more self indulgent over self important.
If the world is going to end then you may as well get some use out of your money. Rather than blowing it on placards, use it as an investment to make a lot more money very quickly. If you lose it all then no worries but if you triple it then you can afford to party out your last day like you never thought possible! Atheists, scientists and bankers will never believe an Armageddon prediction so there will always be services running, including ladies of negotiable affection, beer and nightclubs!
You’ve seen all those supposedly vicious lions on the discovery channel but come on, they look so cute, how dangerous can they really be? They’re clearly dumb anyway since they call themselves the King of the Jungle while living on the plains, so they’re asking for it. It’s the end of the world therefore you may as well assert your mammalian dominance once and for all by rugby tackling a fully grown lion that’s clearly having marital issues with a lioness and hasn’t eaten since Thursday because of it.
So you’ve never gotten an invite to the mansion? I don’t know what’s wrong with you because I go at least once a month but if Hef has been giving you the cold shoulder just because you live out of your car it’s time to make your debut. The walls really aren’t that high and the front gate has intruder friendly bars that you can easily get a grip on (I know this purely because my monthly invitations were obviously misdelivered as I sometimes have to move my car/home to avoid prison food).